I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
