Ambien. No doubt about it.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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