He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
