hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
