I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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