so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize