I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
