I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
