i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
