That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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