I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
