so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
