Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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