dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
