The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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