He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
