I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
