Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
