I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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