a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Randomize
