Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
