i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
