What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
