If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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