Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
