On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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