Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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