I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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