We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
