WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
