maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
