Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
