the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
this beer tastes like vomit already
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
