every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
a search helicopter?!
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize