A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
