She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
