Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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