Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
