forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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