i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
