On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
