You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
