I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
His hands were made for my vagina.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
