she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I believe in your delicious
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
