I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
