oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
