okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
