There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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