I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
