Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize