Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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