The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
