i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
