hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
