Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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