I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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