Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
