you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
