can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
