me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
