shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
