We got so high we made milksteak
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
