; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
