I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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