On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize