The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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