and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
